33 Headlines We Did Not Expect to Type This Year

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It’s been another wild year, and we’ve got receipts. There were a lot of unusual animal stories, including an on-the-loose llama in Fairfax (2022’s foiled attempt at upstaging the 2021 fugitive Zebras?), a skinny-dog convention at the beach, and that time a chicken ruffled a bunch of feathers at the Pentagon. There were also some bizarre real estate stories: the time that pirate ship houseboat went up for sale, and then again when it was purchased and turned into an Airbnb—though honestly, that series had nothing on the $800,000 Fairfax home that came with a person living in the basement. There was even a story that featured elements of real estate and animals—a $4 million Great Falls mansion that hosted an open house with alpacas. And let’s not forget: Lizzo playing James Madison’s flute, “friendly” fake feds,  a surprising celebrity cat, a penis park, elephant drama, and more. Join us on this weird walk down memory lane, won’t you?

Senator Tim Kaine reaches his office after being snowbound for 27 hours. Photograph courtesy of Katie Stuntz

Tim Kaine, Stranded on I-95 for 27 Hours, Finally Gets a Bowl of Pasta

And not just any pasta: Red Hen’s famous sausage rigatoni.

The White House. Not pictured: John Krasinski. Photograph by Pete Van Vleet via iStock/Getty Images Plus.

John Krasinski Walks Around the White House, Runs into Doug Emhoff

Photo courtesy of the Animal Welfare League of Arlington.

The Inside Story of Pentagon Chicken’s Capture

Photo courtesy Zinta K. Rodgers-Rickert.

This $800K House in Fairfax Will Go Quickly. It Comes With a Person in the Basement.

Despite an “Ozark”-like scenario, there’s already one offer, says the listing agent.

Fratty Parties, Secret Government Jobs, an Alleged Porno Shoot: Inside the Navy Yard Suspects’ Wild Apartment Building

“You talk to people here, you’re like, ‘Hey, what do you do for a living?’ They’re like, ‘I work for the government.’ You just know not to follow up.”

This Man Went to a Bachelor Party. When He Returned, His Front Door Was Painted Like an Old Bay Tin.

An interview about Maryland pride and living with an extremely loud door.

4825 Glenbrook Rd., NW —a vacant lot on a leafy street in DC’s Spring Valley neighborhood
4825 Glenbrook Rd., NW. Photo courtesy of U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

A Former Toxic Waste Dump in a Hot DC Neighborhood Is for Sale for $1.3 Million

And it’s already under contract.

Photo courtesy of @dcdmv

The DMV’s Handsome Fictional Trucker Has Quite the Backstory

He’s a veteran, an organ donor, and possibly a squatter. No word on whether he’s single.

Photograph by Evy Mages

Trucker Convoy Stragglers Get Kicked Out of Racetrack, Form New Movement, Visit the National Mall, Don’t Go Home

The People’s Convoy may have disbanded, but some of its members plan to stick around.

Photograph by Shackleford Photography via iStock/Getty Images Plus

Don’t Worry, It Only SEEMS Like DC Is Being Swarmed by Snakes

Experts say it’s just a typical slithery year.

Pineapple & Pearls’ bedazzled handcuffs. Photograph by Aaron Silverman.

This Fancy Caviar Dish Is Served With Bedazzled Handcuffs

Pineapple & Pearls pays a kinky tribute to New York restaurant the Quilted Giraffe.

That Time Congressman Mark Pocan Did Magic Tricks for Uzi-Toting Guerrillas

“The guerrillas were great—they enjoyed it.”

Photograph courtesy of Daniel Corder.

This Pirate Ship Houseboat on the Northern Neck Is Selling for $49,000

It comes with cannons, mermaids, and a spooky skeleton crew.

Not pictured: Some freaking alpacas. Photograph via BrightMLS.

You Can Party With Alpacas Tonight at This Great Falls Mansion’s Open House

The home is listed for $4 million and has seven beds, space for 20 cars, and a guest house.

Lorde in concert earlier this summer. Photograph by Flickr user Raph_PH.

Lorde Concert Goes Swimmingly Before Potomac Confession

“We do not provide travel advice about individual locations in the United States,” New Zealand’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs & Trade tells Washingtonian.

Photo by Flickr user Pictures of Money.
Photo by Flickr user Pictures of Money.

Student Loan Forgiveness’ Unintentional Consequence: This DC Woman May Have Found a Sugar Daddy

Like all great love stories, it begins with a Twitter poll.

Before “Don’t Worry, Darling” Drama, There Was Bigfoot Erotica Drama

Olivia Wilde’s mom called her opponent a “devotee of Bigfoot Erotica” during her Virginia campaign.

Lauren Handy Claims to Have Actually Had 115 Fetuses

Last week, DC Police found five fetuses in the home of pro-life activist Lauren Handy. During a press conference Tuesday, the pro-life group Progressive Anti-Abortion Uprising claimed that figure was incomplete.

queen vic mourners
Mourners at the Queen Vic.

We’re Sorry to Inform You That We’ve Live-Blogged the Queen’s Funeral

“I can no longer see the funeral because there are so many TV reporters with big fuzzy mics in the way.”

Photograph by Ewa Beaujon.

Yes, DC Misspelled “Virginia Avenue”

Embarrassing, since Virginia is about a mile away.

Photograph by Flickr user Raph_PH.
Photograph by Flickr user Raph_PH.

Lizzo Plays Crystal Flute From Library of Congress at DC Show

“I just twerked and played James Madison’s crystal flute from the 1800s!”

The Jolly Lodger docked in Callao, Virginia. Photo courtesy of Lauren DeMarco.

Remember That Pirate-Ship Houseboat? It’s Now an Airbnb.

“We’ll always have a cool story about the time that we bought a pirate ship,” says the new owner.

Photo by Flickr user Ronald Woan.
Photo by Flickr user Ronald Woan.

Yes, We Are Living in a World Where Beyonce Might Own the Washington Commanders

Husband Jay-Z has been floated as a potential new co-owner of the football team.

Brambleton Legacy Park
Brambleton’s Legacy Park. Screenshot by Keely Bastow.

Today in Silver Line Discoveries: Brambleton’s “Penis Park”

An aerial view of Legacy Park leaves little to the imagination.

Photo courtesy of the Fisher family.

Meet Prince Snowflake, the Region’s Oddest “Celebrity Cat”

Snowflake is a model, actor, and magician. He invents his own tricks and can allegedly talk.

Franks at Haute Dogs and Fries. Photograph by Scott Suchman

Nancy Pelosi: Please Check Out These DC Hot Dog Spots

The politician recently divulged her favorite workday lunch: hot dogs.

Aussies Brick and Roquefort are very good dogs. Photograph by David Horton @DavideatsDC.

This Fine-Dining Restaurant Is Stalking Your Dog on Instagram

Michelin-starred Jônt personalizes treats and toys for pet-owning diners.

Brian Robinson Jr. wearing the Big Hat. Photograph courtesy of the Commanders.

What’s the Deal With Brian Robinson’s Big Hat?

We just can’t ignore the Big Hat that was in the room, atop the head of the Commanders running back.

WALKING THE PLANKS: Costumed canines at a pirate-themed boardwalk parade.

When 400 Greyhounds Gather at the Beach, Things Get Ruff

Three wild days at a convention for the beloved skinny dogs.

National Zoo New Elephants
The elephants in their new home. Photograph courtesy Smithsonian’s National Zoo.

Washington’s Newest Drama Is Here—and It Involves Elephants

Will Dutch newcomers Trong Nhi and Nhi Linh mate with a much older dude from Miami and establish a matriarchal society?

Kolby the llama at the Fairfax County Animal Shelter. Photograph courtesy the shelter.

The “Missing” Fairfax Llama Has Been Reunited With Its Owner

Kolby the llama is home.

Wade into the pool bar at Royal Sands Social Club. Photograph by Dan Swartz.
Wade into the pool bar at Royal Sands Social Club. Photograph by Dan Swartz.

Florida Man Opens DC Bar That Looks Like a Swimming Pool

Royal Sands Social Club brings frozen cocktails and beachy food to Navy Yard.

Photograph by Theo Milo Photography

Help, We Can’t Stop Watching T.J. Oshie Drink From a Candle Holder at Tom Wilson’s Wedding

A rum-and-coke in another glass just wouldn’t do, we guess.

Amy Moeller

Editor, Washingtonian Weddings

Amy leads Washingtonian Weddings and writes Style Setters for Washingtonian. Prior to joining Washingtonian in March 2016, she was the editor of Capitol File magazine in DC and before that, editor of What’s Up? Weddings in Annapolis.

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